"Grapefruit will burn away fat faster than anything other than exercise, but celery is the only negative calorie food in the world." Huh?" said Laura."It takes more energy to eat celery than it provides, hence the negative calorie label." Wow. So you could make a meal out of it and you would actually lose weight doing it." Yeah, technically I think that's right, but there's only so much celery you can eat before you feel bloated." Then why did you give me celery seed to take away the bloating I had the other day?" asked Laura."Ah, good point. Celery seed is concentrated and a natural diuretic. I take it every day, as you should too. It helps clean the blood and prevents fluid buildup. I find it really handy when I come close to my period." Why aren't you teaching this stuff Kell?" My, you certainly are full of good questions this morning aren't you Sweetheart? Well, the main reason is that most people are leery of taking any natural products to solve common ailments, and the medical. You work and sleep. That’s all you do.”“Because that’s all I have,” I told her.“You have a family that loves you,” she reminded me.“That’s touching,” I said dryly. “Does my father still think I’m a pussy or is he satisfied that I manned-up.”“I’m not here on his behalf,” she said, trying to steer me away from dangerous topics. “I’m here because I don’t want you to leave thinking that there’s nothing here for you to come back to.”I stared at her blankly. “I’m not coming back,” I told her. “I’ll get my degree and then look for work in LA or somewhere else. Fuck Denver, fuck making up with the family and fuck whatever bullshit fantasy you have of all of us having Thanksgiving together with Billy and his happy whore holding hands and grinning like idiots while your husband carves the turkey and you insist on us saying Grace for some stupid reason.”“You and Billy are brothers,” she said. “As angry as you are, someday I have faith that you’ll remember that and find it in your heart to.
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