My heart beats faster, Breath quickens; body trembles I need a release. Now is not the time, Too many complications. Will you wait for me? I should have turned after you. I should have followed you home, damn the consequences. Why do I always have to be the good girl, the one who tries to do the right thing? Who knew that a random Monday night at the bar would have led to this? A few minutes of polite conversation and exchange of numbers has resulted in me lying in this bed alone trembling, wanting you here next to me. We were supposed to be friends. I was supposed to help you get over her by offering a shoulder to cry on and words of advice. We weren’t supposed to end up like this, doing this dance. I wanted nothing more to hear you say the words though, to ask me to be yours; to ask me to give myself to you. With your situation, I know I cannot have you here; you can’t ask me that question, and I can’t give myself to you, at least not yet, and it’s killing me. I have promised. As she talked I noticed an ex boyfriend wandering through the mall, he hadn’t broken my heart. “ Hey Erin, isn't that Vince over there?” she asked. “ Yes it is mom,” I replied. “ Go over there and talk to him, it’s nice to catch up,” she said. “ Sorry mom, I'm not ready to jump back in yet,” I replied. “ I'm not saying to sleep with him. I'm just saying it might restore your faith if you talk to someone you dated where you left it on good terms,” Linda said. She had a point. I was even more unwilling to jump in than when I saw Josh with other chicks. I had to do this, she wasn't going to shift until I had gone over and spoken to him. Vince was six foot with brown hair and eyes, and he still looked twenty, even though he was twenty five by then. So I walked up behind him. “ Hi Vince,” I said. Then he turned around. “ Oh! Hi Erin. I haven’t seen you for long time, what's it been - five years now?” Vince asked. “ Wow, has it really been that long already?” I asked. “ Well yeah.
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