I often wondered if I ever would, or was Idestined to have this dark part of my life constantly following me andplaguing my mind until the day I died? It was worries such as those thatoften kept me tossing in my bed at night, too afraid to fall asleepbecause of what I knew would come.But not last night. For the first time in days I'd had a nice, dreamlesssleep that left me feeling refreshed, upbeat, and ready to start theday. It certainly helped to open my eyes and see the sun beamingbrightly in the sky, lighting up my room and casting its warmth acrossmy bed. While I knew it wasn't actually true, it almost seemed as if thebirds were singing to me, coaxing me to wake up and join them in thiswonderful experience called life. Yes, it was a pretty little fantasy,but I'd take that any day over the horrors I also knew existed and Iwanted to share in my good mood.Throwing back my covers I cast a quick look at my bedside clock andsprang from the bed, not even bothering with a robe as I. .. an angle who gave me a greatlife.Breast feeding the babyThe baby started to cry and Kavitha told me to give him my breast milk.I went to the cradle and saw the cute little boy for the first time. Ipicked him up (we had been taught on how to handle babies in our class)and went to one of the bedroom with Mrs. K and Kavitha following us.Inside I placed the baby on the bed and removed my blouse. I was wearinga half saree with an ankle length petticoat and blouse. I undid thebuttons and opened my bra and then took the baby and kept his mouth tomy nipples. Initially he was hesitant but then he stopped crying andstarted sucking. I felt like I was in heaven when my milk started toflow out. I started loving the baby for giving me such a great pleasure.After a few minutes Kavitha asked me to switch breasts and I did so.Then the baby slept peacefully and I placed him on the bed. For me, hewas a cute bundle of joy which I will never have.Kavitha then told me, "Till he is 18 years or so, he.
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