And that was enough for me to realize that I was attracted to my mom.It had been a while that I started to feel something had changed in me towards my mom. But till that day, I was not sure what it was.For the first time, I was awoken by the fact that I was attracted to my mother. I was so much attracted that there was a bulge in my shorts, which fortunately was hidden by my shirt. I was sure that it saved me from shame if my mom had noticed it.I sat down to complete my assignment, but again my mom came back to the hall with her chores. She sat down a bit away from me and started doing her work.I soon realized that mom and dad were exchanging glances with each other. At times mom used to give naughty smiles to dad and he reciprocated with a more masculine smile. And in all this, it was difficult for me to concentrate. Somehow, we completed dinner and I am now going to bed with a bulge in my shorts.20 June 1998I was not sure today if I could write this diary. But on the pretext of. Then again, there was my grandfather’s recommendation, that even though Nick had failed him, Grandfather still felt he was the best there was. It was all anyone could hope for.Adam’s voice came to me again, “If you so desire, I can start vetting a new security chief.”I said, “No...” It was more to myself that I said it, it wouldn’t do to have the man start thinking I was talking to myself and mad as the ‘Mad Hatter.’ I couldn’t be sure just what he thought of me, with his expressionless face and with all the missteps I had already made before him. Then maybe it wouldn’t have mattered any if I was indeed the ‘Mad Hatter’, for he would do his best to keep me alive. It had been my grandfather’s last wish of him.It was then that I realize that this had really been a part of my life all along. My safety and well-being had been a part of my care even if my own parents hadn’t shown or displayed the sort of love and affection most children received from their parents. Yes, I had been watched.
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