By day, there were 25 beaches packed with bronzed bodies. By night, there were superclubs where you could get your party on until dawn.The adrenaline junkie in me was intrigued when I found a website that showed other activities besides soaking up rays and partying—not that those weren’t fun. Some alternatives listed were mountain biking, flyboarding, wakeboarding, wakeskating, speedboats, fishing, and SCUBA diving.The one property that seemed out of character for Zander was located in Monte Carlo, Monaco. That just seemed to be more of a grown-up type of destination. Not that the young and rich didn’t go, especially when they held their annual Grand Prix race. It just looked to be more cultured than could be expected of Zander. I’d watched enough James Bond movies to dream of going, though; I think the casino was featured in three of those films. And I saw the appeal of its location on the French Riviera, with sun-kissed beaches and the blue waters of the Mediterranean.Monaco. I have the life I struggled so hard to achieve finally in my grasp. As my son watches Blue’s Clues, I go to my computer. I log on to the internet. It is in this forum that I think I have found you, again. You are my hope and my memory. I spend much of my time wondering if I’ll catch a glimpse of you again. I look out the window of my bedroom, away from the computer screen. I see the fence line and trees overhead. They might as well not exist. I remember so vividly each of the last eleven years. I run the months through my mind, and I wonder how I could have changed things to accommodate what I now know is true. I pour myself over the emotions and the feelings that you inspire in me. I no longer doubt the veracity of anything I ever felt, nor anything that comes to my mind in the present. When I am alone on days like today, I feel the misery of choices I made so long ago. And I want to tell you all about it. I have issued my full apology so many times. The guilt still burns in me..
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