Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.Bathing a Cat Cat – Plan "A"A. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength.Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom.If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber. .." But what about your needs?" she interrupted. She gave me the it's okay smile. "C'mon, we're all human."That we are."After all," she exclaimed, "you're still young and virile. What are you doing, sitting home all alone all the time?"I blushed, but shrugged out the truth. "Boys figure that shit out pretty early." Yea, but," she narrowed her shoulders and nodded, "isn't that more of a stop-gap thing?"What could one do but reply with a shrug?I couldn't explain why I wasn't dating sexy ladies my age. I didn't really know. I didn't really care. "It's just about appetites," I ventured. "If you're thirsty, a bottle of Perrier is nice. But you slake it just as well sucking from the tap."That explanation didn't satisfy my daughter. I went at it from another angle."Sure, gourmet meals linger like landmarks in memory, but in reality, it's so much easier to just slap together a sandwich. Hunger solved."Christy kept pressing, until I broke. "Honey, stop it. You know the story. We were virgins.
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