I should have noticed something.He hung himself when he was around your age." She started crying again.I started too. "He didn't want to shame our family, at least that whathis note said. He hated himself and wanted to be free of his feelings. I don't want you to feel that way, Mel. If you need to change, then youwill. I want you to be happy, honey." She came over and gave me a hug.We cried for a long time."Thank you, mom." I love you, Mel." I love you, Mom."The following Monday I was sitting in Dr. Kirkland's office. Dr.Patricia Kirkland is a psychiatrist specializing in gender and sexualissues. The first few sessions I had with her were just question andanswer sessions between us. She wanted to know my history and wanted toknow all the background stories of my transgender behavior. I told herall my experiences and feelings about it. After a few weeks of therapy,Dr. Kirkland scheduled an appointment to talk to my mom. I was therewaiting in the lobby. Almost an hour. My eyes and my thoughts were only focused on boobs, face and navel).She used to ask us questions randomly. Whenever it was my turn, my voice will tremble a little bit and my words would stutter as I am preoccupied with my thoughts of her being naked in my lap. At first, other students in the class laughed but Renuka scolded them for laughing at me. At this point, I think, she was beginning to enjoy that someone is actually infatuated at her that much. I can see a hint of pride in her eyes. I come from a farming family and I used to work in the fields on my off-days.So, even at that young age my body is visibly stronger and muscular than all the other boys in the class who are all rich and pampered. Add to this fact that I am a first rank student in the class, it improved my image in the eyes of Renuka. One day, we were doing chemistry experiments in the lab and as usual Renuka was walking around observing us and giving us tips and instructions. I am almost done with my experiment and.
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