I didn’t measure up. I also felt pain of being a weakling. Not able to defend myself or be the person that my mother wanted me to be. I felt that if I was gone everyone would be happy.” I sigh. “I would finally be happy.”Dr. Wilson smiles. “That’s progress,” she says. Now we start to find a solution to control those feelings.” She closes her notebook. “George, we will continue this after Christmas break. I do need to ask ... how are you feeling now?”“Like a weight has been lifted off of me,” I say as I sigh and Dr. Wilson smiles.First day of Christmas break and I wake up at four in the morning. I pull my morning wood out of grandma’s ass-crack, who is spooned against me. I like it when she sneaks in my room and sleeps with me. It lets me know that I’m wanted. I kiss her cheek and crawl out of bed to go on my morning run and work out.I run my usual ten mile route. It’s a quiet Saturday morning and I start to notice the neighborhood. The houses are closer together than those in my old. " She looked like she might start to cry, and I didn't want that. I waited for her to continue. She must have had a reason. Finally she looked up and tried to explain."I got to thinking. We had all those years and they weren't all bad years and..." That was as far as she could get before she began to cry. Her shoulders shook and her hands covered her eyes.I felt very sad all of a sudden. This wasn't going very well ... for either of us. I wanted to know something that I thought she was hinting at."So have you changed your mind, Molly?" I don't know. I don't know. I've been so lonely, and I've been trying to remember why I was so unhappy. I was lonely when you were there, and now I'm still lonely. It doesn't make any sense," she cried."You hurt me pretty badly, Molly. You told me you didn't want me or need me or even care for me any more. You can't expect me just to throw that aside and say, 'Oh well ... that's OK.'" I said it with some anger."I know Jack. That's what I've been trying.
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