Everyone sprang to their feetand headed off to the first lesson of the day. It was English for me, aclass I shared with both D and Jane. The same dance was repeated again,where I was the new girl made to parade in front of the class. Then itwas down to business. They were reading Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet. I would have to catchup, but it seemed they were not going at a very fast pace as I readalong. Towards the end of English I was starting to feel the strain ofkeeping my blue eyed Mandy illusion up all the time. I put my hands underthe desk, dropping the gloves, it reduced the strain of maintaining theillusion, and I felt a bit better. Being the new girl, I was one of thelucky ones made to read out a section aloud. I felt very nervous speakingout loud to a group of people I didn't know. Though after hearing some ofthe other attempts after mine, I guess I didn't do too badly.After that bit of light reading, it was time for humanities. I kept myhands hidden on the way, so I didn't. Last night was the first time in her life that she had understood, and it had been wonderful.But she would never be able to return Cassie's mawkish adoration.She felt dirty, she felt like a fraud.Julie had finally seen the glaring dishonesty at the centre of her life.Living with Cassie was fun, they had good times together, but Julie had always seen it as a temporary arrangement. Julie still expected that one day she'd fall in love with a man, or at least find one she could tolerate, have kids, buy a house, have a career, and Cassie would always be there, as a friend.But nothing more.Julie had always told herself that Cassie could find a real woman to love, a soul-mate, if she only put her mind to it.But Julie and Cassie had been together for six years now.Cassie loved Julie, and Julie did not love Cassie.Cassie would never move on, not unless she was pushed.I'm a total tool, aren't I? Julie thought to herself.But these ruminations weren't achieving anything.She did what she had.
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