” She too appeared perplexed the way our mother had responded to the disclosure of our amorous adventures. I was confused, yet I felt relieved and immediately scurried to my room. I remained there in my room, locked from inside. Finally when mother called both of us for dinner, I went out to the kitchen. After a while, Najma also joined us. Dinner was a silent affair. All of us were preoccupied with our thoughts. We ate our dinner.Once we finished our dinner, mother said to Najma to go to her room and asked me to stay back as she wanted to talk to me. Najma looked at me for a moment…worried. Then she immediately went out of the kitchen. Mow mother and I were left alone in the kitchen. Mother picked the used plates and dishes and deposited them in the sink. Then she began cleaning the table. I sat silently…watching her move from one place to another. None of us uttered a single word. “How long this has been going on.” She asked suddenly. I looked at her; she was busy wiping the. I felt my hands hover over the keypad - just do it.“16 Cadzow Place” appeared as if watching someone else type.2 minutes...“Postcode?”“EH7 5SN”2 minutes... “got u - c u in 20 min. I'll txt u outside.” My heart jumped, dropped but, instead of the solid wet thud of its immovable mass hitting reality, it kept falling… and dissipated.I glanced at the photo of Helen on the table: I knew nothing would ever be the same again, I'd want more. I already wanted more.My mind whirred: it was just for sex - I was straight - I loved women - I loved her! It was dangerous, it had only took a couple minutes to arrange - what kind of a guy says yes to meeting me for sex without asking for a photo or chatting? Who was I about to meet? Who was I going to share the most intimate moment of my life with? Who was going to mark me forever?No, I didn't want to do it - it was alien to me. What was I doing? All those years entirely captured by Kathryn's beauty, the years of adoration I'd shown Helen. My phone.
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