He and I went fishing together, and I had dinner with them once a week. I had been going to take Melody to their house for dinner the day that Karen had ended her life.I met him for lunch at Gordy's and I unloaded on him. He listened, his blue-gray eyes never leaving my face. When I finished speaking, he reached across the table and gently swatted my cheek with his hand. "Son, stop feeling guilty. No matter how much you want to do it, you can't protect Melody from everything. You can only do what you can do and nothing more."I started to protest that I wasn't feeling guilty, but stopped myself. He was right. I was playing an if only game with myself. If only I had been in the store that day; if only I had called her and asked her to take the day off. I had a list that would have gone for pages had I taken the time to write them down.As always, after talking with Hal, I felt like things were back in proportion, and I had a handle on them. When we parted, he reminded me that I could. " No, she's healthier than I am," Jennifer cut him off.Before he could ask what the problem was then, Jennifer tried to explain. She started off with saying that it wasn't really rational but her mother had this terrible fear of going to bed with another man. She had been a virgin when she got married and for thirty years, had only known one lover. For lack of anything else to call it, Jennifer described it as performance anxiety."I'm sure that neither Josh Miller or any other man is going to find her lacking in any way." Actually, it's not so much the men that she's worried about," Jennifer said, "it's the women." Excuse me?" an even more confused Martin replied."I told you it didn't really make sense," Jennifer repeated. "but evidently, Mom has this morbid fear that if she sleeps with any of the men in the neighborhood, and fails to satisfy him, then that is going to get back to all of her female friends." But how would any of them..." Trust me, things like that do get around,".
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