I only broke down a little bit in going over the details. She offered me a glass of water. I happily took this proffered drink. She let me go on as I related the details which seemed so fresh after 43 years in hiding.She knew where I had been a year ago. She knew we had covered many topics. Some hard. Some silly. But never as dark as this.We both were able to conclude this was no dream. Not some sudden variation of the same.I was able to show actual fear at the vision I had seen. The poor, helpless girl, laying in the pit while they lowered me onto her. She looked different. At 10, I had no concept of the difference. I was terrorized that perhaps they were going to cut me off like they had done to her. I knew I didn't have a hole. She did. And it mortified me to my core.I believe that is why I was freaking out so much.We sat and talked for a good half hour before I calmed down enough to also mention my wife.I realized that the other major factor in my darkness is my inability to let. ” Holding up a restricting hand, she said, “The passion was good. But, we’ve lost something. You’re seldom here.” There was a sorrowful look in her blue eyes.“I’ve told you, “ he said plaintively. “Work has been hectic. But we’re through that now. Don’t go.”“It’s best for both of us,” Carrie told him. Paul was sure he could detect the doubt behind her hard expression.“Is there someone else?”Carrie was opening the door as she vehemently responded, “Definitely no to that. It would take someone special.”“Then why do you have to go?”Holding the door open Carrie looked despairingly around the hall before she said, “I don’t know. Things aren’t the same.”“I think I know what we’ve both lost.”Carrie frowned as she asked, “What?”Paul was not trying to be clever when he said, “I think you’ll only find out when you’ve gone.”‘Peter Sarstedt’s voice replaced Ella’s as he sang, ‘Where do you go to, my lovely.’Paul shook his head. Ironic that Alexa chose that song. He could see where it might lead.
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