I could smile when I wanted to cry. I could keep my voice wonderfully steady. It made me feel powerful. The older I got, the more I felt it. Power at holding the serenity. At being cool and calm and peaceful. It felt like a gift. Like a talent that I honed every time I was confronted with something I wanted to react to.And it was the same with Lee. I didn’t crack. I said the right things and smiled at the right moments even though I could never look him in the eye. He didn’t seem to notice. Nobody else did either. It was just me, and at times the obsession felt woefully lonely. I could think about him as much as I liked but I couldn’t share it. I couldn’t tell him.Sometimes I thought about it. One time he drove me home at night and I was sitting right next to him and I looked at his profile and his hand on the steering wheel and his other hand on the gearstick and he looked so attractive it hurt. I wanted to say it. There was a soft quietness, perfect solitude, just him and I and I. .like an nervous virgin" she whispered in my ear.In the mirror I saw my mouth open in an expression of excitement, joy and a bit of fear. I was able to hear some of her whispered, hypnotic speech, but not enough. When the time came, I didn't know if I would be able to remember myself. My sources were right, Marianne was a powerful witch and even though I'd entered her web knowing that, I was still stuck fast. The first cord of fear plucked at my shrinking heart.***"I am your first and only, aren't I my love?" she asked and I nodded, all acquiescence and similitude. My hands were tied to the tabletop with the leather strap from my purse. Pressing against me, she penetrated me effortlessly with her device, but she didn't just penetrate me, she inspired and thrilled me. It was obvious that it was for me that she did this and I fell in love with her even more.It had to be now, but could I marshal the will? Her mastery of me was complete, but as I struggled against it inspiration struck.
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