A gesture he hoped would stem the stream of guttural curses stirring and bubbling in his throat from bursting out his mouth. He groaned instead, the utter despair and depth of his humiliation evident in the resonance of his voice that sat thick like heavy cream in the air. As he pushed his hands back over his head, rubbing from his nape to his chin, over and over, the rasping counter pull against the re-growth of hair rubbing deeply against the rough skin of his fingers and palms. He thought if he could just rub hard enough, rub his skin numb, his hands just might erase the memory of the entire day. “I can’t do this.” he thought, then cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled back into the empty studio, “I’m a god damned Michelin mutherfucking Star, Cordon Bleu Chef, and that pisshead, Durant, can find another babysitter for his golden boy”. He fell back onto his chair as he felt all his breath expel at once, bereft of will, he rocked back on two legs letting the wooden. ”“Well, I helped her with hose that she can wear with that skirt, and she’s much happier with the idea. I also got vibes that she was interested in me, but dared not mention it.”“Hmm. Maybe so. Now, if I ever have a relaxed opportunity to talk to her, maybe I can mention the whole gender fluidity thing, and there’s nothing wrong with attraction.”“Harold, then let me ask, are you attracted to men?”“The answer is complicated. When, in my other life, I was in situations like a dorm, where there were no women, I certainly experimented with men and enjoyed it. When, later in life, women were available, I didn’t find men attractive to me under usual circumstances.“But as might be relevant here, I once had a woman point out that I definitely liked watching women with one another -- why shouldn’t she enjoy watching men, and then having me facilitate it? I couldn’t give her a reason not. That established that for me, if a woman wanted me to play with a man as part of group sex, and she.
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