Dodie’s inner feelings, however, were that these stated reasons reflected more her own character and attitudes and probably not a great deal of Innocence’s. Innocence was quite excited when the film Forbidden Love, – as was entitled the film she’d been filmed in while she’d been living in Brook, – was finally released, and she was able to go with Dodie to see it in the cinema. It seemed to her that almost all the film footage that had been taken of her and certainly all her modest dialogue had been included in the final cut, and she appeared more prominently in the film cast listing than she’d expected. Indeed, a picture of her was even included in the poster, with her penis fully erect, which it had never been in the filming. Dodie was pleased for her lover, who seemed much more excited by her modest film success than she’d ever expected. Innocence was even more thrilled when she got a phone call from a small circulation magazine, Fuck Films Today, asking to interview her to which. .. Yes, since I was eleven. But I can't, um, dressin my dorm." I suddenly remembered my fear of being thought gay. I added,"The only time I was able to dress at school was last Hallowe'en. I have agirl," I said, with emphasis, "and I let her talk me into it." You have a girl. How many TVs have you known?" Nobody but me." Well, I suppose that's why you had to drag your girl into the conversa-tion. If you didn't know before, you know now: most TVs aren't gay."It's a measure of how little I knew, after half a dozen years of wearingpanties and dresses, that this was news to me. It was a relief, too; I hadnever been attracted to men, but in the back of my mind there had alwaysbeen a secret worry: I wore girls' clothes; was I secretly gay? The reliefmust have shown in my face."You were worried, weren't you?" Yes. I didn't know anything about...what I did." And you never thought to read up about it. There are studies, you know.They're kind of, well, clinical, but you can learn.
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