“When I came home from work last night he was jerking himself off so hard he never even noticed I was in the room. He had his eyes closed and was moaning for Tammy to suck him harder and the fuck him harder. He even had some of her photos up on the computer screen.”“You sure it was Tammy he was thinking about Mom?” I asked, “I mean, what’s the big deal about him jerking off when you’re out anyway. He use to do that all the time if I remember correctly.”“Maybe it was the ‘Tammy, oh god Tammy’ part of the moans,” my mom responding with a wry grin.“Well whatever. Heck mom, dad’s always jerking off about Tammy. What’s the big deal now?”“No, you don’t understand,” she replied, shaking her head with her eyes looking down at the table as if she was afraid to look me in the eyes, “It’s ALL the time now. It seems every time he masturbates, it’s about her. He has one of her bikini photos as his screensaver on the computer. I had to poke him in church last week when he kept staring at her boobs. " Beer cans. They smell." Hey, some of them are root beer. I recycle, is that so evil?" And what about the other corner? And along that wall?" Pizza boxes," I admitted, in a low voice. I was doomed. There was no wayI could defend my pizza box connection."Why don't you just throw them out?" she pleaded."We have to pay for each bag they pick up. Not the recycling bags but thetrash bags. The fewer bags I use the more I save. Waste not, want not." So you just live with trash?" I burn them, out back." How often? Every leap year?" So I eat a lot of pizza! Besides, it's rained a lot lately. And in thecouple days it didn't rain, I had customers. Gotta work if you wannaeat." Do you know how lame that sounds?" No. Yeah. Well okay you're right, I'm a slob. But hey, I still have allthose other good qualities you mentioned."She walked over to one window and fingered the fronds of my fern. My ex-fern. The fronds were very, very brown. Brittle, too."Poor thing," she murmured. "Died of neglect." I'm.
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