“You’re so full of shit, Wes.”“I’d even give up marriage.”“Good, because I don’t want one of those either.”Wes stilled, his smile fading.“I’m sorry babe, but we’re going to have to break up. That’s a deal-breaker.”“Oh, shut up,” I said, catching the twitch of a smile on his lips. I ducked under his arm and made my way to the fridge, pulling it open to search for the salad dressing. Wes watched me from where he stood, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at me like I’d plucked him the moon.I tossed the salad, and Wes got us some bowls and forks. We ate together in the kitchen, standing there and talking about our day, about the call center and the hospital, and you’d be surprised how similar it all was. High-stress environments with difficult people and difficult situations. That’s what we dealt with.When Wes leaned over and stole a cherry tomato from my bowl with his fork, I flinched, but the feeling passed almost instantly. Ten years ago I would’ve cowered or snapped,. At first, I decided to be open with you and fully admit when you made me jealous. I remember the soul-crushing night that you deadass stopped talking to me, mid-conversation, because she was outside your door. That night will torment me forever. All the possibilities of what could have happened. Never was my jealousy more than that moment, or any moment I remember it still. It was a pain that left a tiny scar that I could have avoided. However, that night also forced me to address my own jealous feelings and find a way to cope.My current coping mechanism is to embrace it fully. Yes, I get jealous. No that feeling won’t go away. But I will use it to my own choosing, hopefully creating some provocative writing from it instead of letting it consume me whole. I have imagined our trio in every possible way, you and her while I am left out, me fucking someone while she denies you again, me and my ex as you tear yourself down in your own lonely room. Admit the feelings and own them. Be the.
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