Opening your eyes, you glance at the faces of the other people, certain they can feel your arousal as well and smell your scent. But, oddly, no one seems to notice. You are puzzled by this because you feel the sensations so strong. The surface of your skin is warm and sensitive. The brushing of your clothes against it as you move sends chills throughout your body. The warmth between your legs has become an ache and you clench your fists to keep your fingers from moving there. Again, you look around, certain that I am somewhere nearby. I move back into the shadows more to avoid your eyes but still I watch you. I imagine the pressure you feel building in the pit of your stomach. From my vantage point I can see that you are breathing heavily and your face is flushed. I smile and quietly move through the crowd, closer to you. I approach you slowly, savoring the sight of your body trembling slightly. You start as the crowd of bodies around you jostles against you as the light changes. I. Â I wanted to get the blade just inside the abdominal cavity just to see if I could.I have a knife with a five inch blade. It is a Gerber dagger with a very sharp double edge and not too wide. Even going 1.25 inches, it would cause a wound only .5 inches wide or so. I measured off 1.25 inches and put several layers of duct tape on the blade as a safety stop. This would absolutely guarantee that the blade would stop at the desired depth. I was confident in my calculations and would just look at the blade, review my movie from last year and get giddy and nervous and excited imagining the blade going into my gut.This was around the 2nd week of July. I need to do this by the 23rd. I was so ready and getting myself worked up psychologically for the annual ritual. To be honest, just the thought of a piece of hard, cold steel blade entering my gut gets me to a point of insanityI stabbed myself twice last year, but it was so shallow. Would I be able to this year? As the day approached, I made.
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