We kept our mouths shut except between ourselves. Our tans were pretty even though we wore suits often enough that our public parts were a little darker.Wendy and I talked about our current state of affairs. We agreed that we were happy but acknowledged a need for people. It would be nice to be part of a community of good people but we understood there would be a risk in meeting people and that slowed us down.The summer was good for us. Wendy's tummy slowly grew with our child. We followed the instructions in the books and monitored her weight and other factors. We hadn't seen Heather or David in a week or so. We walked over to see them. She was feeling poorly and had gained even more weight. We didn't stay long but told them we cared about them. We went to the pond to swim naked. Wendy said, "I hope she is going to be okay. She doesn't look good though."We had gotten out of the water and were laying on the blanket we kept in our changing hut. "I know. It worries me but they don't. We each feel trapped for our own reasons and while the bottle is my escape, my lens seems to be theirs.It is Wednesday, I think. The days all start to blend together. I am staring blankly at my reflection in the vanity mirror. My palms press against the cool granite supporting most of my weight while my world is spinning. ‘Who am I?’ Below the exterior, below that dim glow of my pale skin, below the success. ‘Why can’t I fucking see you?’I squint at the mess of purple ombre hair on my head and then down to my bare chest, skipping my face altogether. Tits barely big enough to fill an A-cup. Pinkish red areolae dotting my blanched canvas. I change the angle, cocking my head to one side and wonder, ‘What time is it?’My phone buzzes and breaks the trance; a text. The banner notification on the lock screen reads, Robert M. Robert is a two-time Oscar-winner that I photographed years ago. My mind swirls with thoughts of what he could want. ‘Same as what they all want.’ I swipe the screen.
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