She turned to a blank page. She stared at it for a few minutes before actually writing anything. Guilt ridden, she wrote these words: I am a slave to the pain and taste, feel and touch of sex. I breathe humiliation being thrust upon me like a child being chastised. Will the Lord ever forgive me for this habitual transgression – this lust of the flesh? I feel as though I can’t shake it. Every time I think I want to let it go, I give in and give up and let the pain, not the dominant, act as my master. Will this internal struggle ever end for me? It calls out to me in the middle of the night when I am lonely. I can’t believe I actually thanked God for bringing Cassius into my life because he enjoyed giving pain as much as I enjoyed receiving it. It’s a crying shame to say I can not see a day when I will let go of this thrill and rush I get with every infliction of pain to my body. Help me, Lord! The clock on the night stand next to Cassius displayed in large red numbers the time of two. She came over and kissed me again and sat down in the chair the Captain had just vacated."Jon, I know I promised never to interfere in your work, but with the babies I am carrying I think I need to clarify myself a little. Jon, I think for right now, when you are able we should just go home where I can take care of you. According to the doctor the bullet went through your collar bone and did not do any damage to it, but you will be sore and will take several months to heal. Jon, you are my husband and the babies' father, so I want them to get to meet you in person. I don't want to have to tell them stories about you because you went and got yourself killed by this church and its fanatics. Myrna, Sally, and I have been talking and they all feel the same way I do. I have talked to Quanta, and he agrees with me, we should put off the trip to the temple for now. Jon, the doctor did an ultra sound and it is as the shaman said, two boys and one girl. Sally started a pool with the men on.
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