.then I stopped...then I couldn't stop..." The tears trickle annoyingly over my cheeks and I know I'm a mess. "He was moody and rude and it made me appreciate you more, Chris. Really, it did..."He's still poring over the threads of incriminating evidence. "You let him call you what?" he snaps in disbelief. "That's not like you. Or is it?"I shake my head like a moose in black fly season. "I didn't enjoy that part of it, not in the least." And don't get any ideas, either, Mister. A chasm of fear equivalent to the Big Dig engulfs my chest. If we ever get that close again, that is."You never told me 'you make me so fucking horny'!" But you do," I hiccup miserably. "Haven't I shown you often enough?" Tell me now? Not to humor me, but because you mean it?" How can I say it now, when it's obvious you're mad and it's scaring me to death? You want mad? How about that time Tricia in your office down-bloused you right in front of me and I was sure you'd get the full moons the minute I left the. ””I appreciate the kind words, even if I recognize that they are self serving,” she said.”Aw I mean it,” I said. It was kind of true. She was a lot easier to look at than the six foot two inch two hundred and fifty pound black man who had previously been my parole officer.I left her office wondering how it would be to move from parolee to true ex-con status. Even with my civil rights restored, they wouldn’t expunge my record. The shit I did was going to follow me forever as it should. I played a part in the murder of a friend. I hadn’t known it was going to happen and I was out cold when it did happen, but I still shared in the responsibility for the act itself.Menendez had said that I wasn’t ruthless enough for the heavy drug trade and he was right. That is part of why I did my time without objection. I deserved to be inside. I even needed the time to find myself. My life had always been too easy. Everything I needed handed to me on a plastic platter. In.
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