So, I ask myself, why do I do this? Why do I add this stress to my already crippling schedule? Why do I subject myself to the terror and potential embarrassment of rejection by the readers? Quite simply, I think I do it for four reasons: -to test the degree to which my ability to construct sentences may be construed as having a talent for creative writing, -to give a voice to my thoughts and ideas about the world, -to escape my real life by creating and inhabiting a world that operates in the way in which I want it to work, and finally, -to prove to myself that I am not a coward. The jury is still out on aim Number 1. Thankfully, I have had some wonderful comments in my feedback e-mails and in some of the public remarks about my stories and poems. Most of them speak about my readers’ impressions about the open way in which I speak about my life. My own thinking about that is that that is probably driven by the fact that I have reached the stage where I no longer care about that life. Who I like leans over me. I recognise his voice. He pushes the other guys hand off my face and starts kissing me. He is gentle and soft..He brushes his hands over my breasts and I start getting into the kiss..forgetting what it is they have planned. I wonder if maybe they are going to watch or take photos of him fucking me..just me and him ..I like that idea.'Spread her legs..I need her open..have you got the phone? Start recording'My kiss ends abruptly and I feel my legs being held wide apart. One man on each thigh..splayed open. They haven't covered my face which means I can watch in horror as I see the red light on the phone come on and focus straight on my gaping pussy. A man is kneeling between my legs. I think he is going to go down on me but he draws his hand from behind his back and shows me a long thick deodorant bottle. He winks at me, gives me a grin and then starts pushing the bottle into my pussy. The lads all cheer and watch. It feels enormous and cold and hard. 'No' I.
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