I liked Spoleto a lot, it was the number-one event on Charleston's cultural calendar, and it would guarantee maximum publicity right then.So I called the administrative office, offered them the donation, and then made a couple of "anonymous" calls to the local media to make sure they'd cover it. They duly showed up at the presentation, and I made sure they got lots of pictures and videos of Lee and me when we presented the check.Prominent local people don't just disappear right after they've proved their prominence by donating serious bucks to a popular local organization. I'd made sure that, whatever happened, it would be noticed publicly.Next I contacted the most highly regarded of the local lawyers I'd come to know. I retained him to represent me "in any legal action in which [I] might become involved, both civil and criminal." Or, and this was key, my wife. And I paid him enough of a retainer that he'd be on our side when we needed him.Then ... I waited. Indoors; I cloistered. The bloke next door's been playing 'is music ever so loud and 'e doesn't turn it off 'till two or three in the morning. I 'ad a word with 'im Friday an' he told me to get stuffed. I told 'im that I'd tell the council. He told me to get stuffed again so I did. Nah! Not get stuffed but I went an' saw Mr Gardner, the local 'Ousing Manager an' 'e said they'd send round an Environmental 'Ealth Officer an' 'e'd record the noise an' if it was too loud 'e'd serve a notice on my neighbour. So I said serving a notice wouldn't do no bloody good. They'd 'ave to take 'is bloody machine away. 'E said they could do that too. So, I said "Good on yer! Go for it." So, we'll see what 'appens. Either way they'll probably sort the bugger out." Well, that's good, Sharon. I'd hate to be mixed up with you in a neighbourhood dispute. Any sort of dispute, for that matter!" Dead right!" she replied. "I don't like people messing with me. Now, 'ave you sorted out you an' me 'avin' sex?" Yes, Sharon! I have..
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