.. I'm sorry..." I apologized, using the whispery voice she insistedon. My hands started to come up again but I caught myself and put themback where she wanted them, aware of how completely she controlled me."I'll try harder... when your visitors arrive." I guess I was hoping toget her to reveal more but she just smiled inscrutably and told me to makesure there were plenty of small dishes ready for snacks. How many peoplewere coming? I started to say something else -- "Did you invite...?" --but cut myself off, again reminded of how she ruled my life.As I was in the kitchen, finishing my check of plates, I heard thedoorbell ring. Frozen in place, I waited to learn if Destiny wanted me toanswer it. The thought of having to greet newcomers, looking the way Idid, was beyond upsetting. But then I heard her opening the door andsaying hello to whoever was there. I kept busy where I was, rewashingsome silverware, for fear that I might be faulted for not doing a goodenough job the. My real feelings, thoughts of how my life should be, start to come out. The liquor mellows me out and starts to take control. I pull my boots off my feet, and climb up on my half dividing wall in the living room. The column's on either side become my dancing partners. I go between both columns, walking along the wall as if on a balance beam. People around me are clapping, hooting and hollering. One of my girlfriends try to coax me down. I am not hearing it. I am free, happy, drunk, and right now "don't give a fuck"! Shawn, also a little tipsy dances just a few inches below where I stand. He side steps with me, him from the floor, me up on this ledge. My arms are stretched wide, fingertips barely touching the columns. His hands run up and down my legs. The music has taken me over. As he moves further and further up my thighs and to my hips, I lift my skirt and place his head under it. He doesn't fight to pull out. He continues to move with me. His hands are now grasping my ass.
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