For all I cared, the grass could grow until I got a citation from the city for failing to keep it mowed. My spouse didn't have the same view, unfortunately.When I got back it was almost lunch time, the kitchen was empty, the diary was lying there open to today's entry, and there was no sign of my spouse or Julie."Hello?"No answer."Anyone here?"Still nothing.It took me a minute, standing there, before I saw the note taped to the microwave. At the mall, it said, {back by dinnertime. XXX}OK, that was fine. I went back to the diary. I had squirrels, big ones, in my gut. I also had a hard-on in my pants. I turned to the previous page. It had today's date on it.God, it began, I can't believe what I saw!My hands were shaking so hard the diary fell to the table. I stared at it as though it was a live grenade. In fact, I felt pretty much the same way I'd felt back in basic training when we'd done live grenade practice. That afternoon my hands were sweating so bad I could barely hang on to. If we didn’t they would fall behind the other troops. I was stuck with having to lead them into the woods myself. I checked the requirements. We didn’t have to do a full week. We didn’t even have to do a full weekend. All that was required was one night in a ‘primitive camp area.’ I checked with one of the other scoutmasters to find out exactly what that meant, and he told me that it meant an open area with no electricity, no running water, and at most primitive latrine facilities. Then he added, ‘If you want to stay local, you could just camp in a pasture on someone’s farm.’ Maybe I could get through this after all. There was an old abandoned farmhouse at the edge of town that had a nice grassy area and some woods behind it. It was for sale, and my next-door neighbor was the realtor, so I could probably get permission to be out there for one night. There was even an old outhouse at the edge of the property so we wouldn’t have to break out the latrine shovels. I could handle this. We.
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