But her leaving in the evening always left us out of sorts.She usually flew out in the morning; that gave us a chance to say goodbye properly, wear each other out as if it were the last time we would see each other. And that’s possible. Like I said, it’s the nature of the business.But her leaving in the evening left us both out of sorts all day, and left me with a sleepless night wondering if I would see her again.Wondering what we really had.We’d been “an item” since she’d come stalking into my life two years ago, twelve years after we’d met. I’d assumed it was an unresolved infatuation on her part; that it would burn out, so I tried my best not to take it too seriously.But, whatever it started as, it became something else. I just wasn’t sure what it was.I couldn’t call it love, and neither would she – we were both too wary, maybe too broken, to admit to something as prosaic as that. We weren’t exclusive, we’d agreed to that – she was gone too often and too long; we had no schedule,. People think we’re the same person. We’re not, Andrew. We’re different people. There are two of us. No one sees that.”I tried comforting them. “Of course you are different people. It’s obvious. You shouldn’t be concerned what other people think of you. I think you’re both wonderful.”I could feel Donnie stiffen in my arm. She seemed to pull away from me a little bit. I said, “Donnie, what’s the matter?”She looked like the tears were ready to start again. She said, “Now that you know I’m not Dee Dee, how can you love me? You don’t even know me.”I couldn’t help going for the laugh. “I know you in the biblical sense!”That evoked a little smile and a swat on the arm. “I mean it, Andrew. Don’t be flippant about this.”I said “I don’t know how I can love you. A week ago I didn’t love anyone. Then Dee Dee appeared like an angel and suddenly I was madly in love. I thought that every loving impulse I was capable of was fully engaged. And now you are here. And I know you’re not Dee Dee. But I.
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