My mouth opened and closed like a fish but no sound came out, as they all looked at me expectantly. “Deuce!” was the umpire’s response. The decision was taken for me, but Mrs MacDonald stood staring at me, then the umpire, then me again, shaking her head as she did so. Her eyes dropped to stare at my groin and then fixed me in a glare, her face bright red, clearly furious at the decision and my part in it. She turned to the umpire and was almost about to say something before changing her mind and instead walking slowly along the baseline with her shoulders slumped to the other court. Her opponent clearly rallied at the decision and took the game, then broke serve for the set shortly after. The third set was a blur, and I can remember little about it, but Mrs MacDonald hardly made a shot, and was beaten 6-1. On leaving the court she stared at me briefly before marching off towards the changing rooms. I was confronted by the gent’s captain as I left the court. “What happened. It becomes apparent that you have a quick wit, a polished and versatile mind and you possess a cursory knowledge of just about everything. You talk of all things logical and rational from your telescope to your admiration of Tesla the inventor and all scientific facts from physics to astronomy. It’s not long before my private parts bubble over in sexual hyperactivity; you are an expert at seducing women with your child-like charm and captivating X factor qualities. Mmmmm it’s quite disconcerting but hugely addictive. Television viewers of the Big Bang Theory know all about the erotic drawing of an intelligent man. All that masculine logic appeals to my erotic insides. I warm to your wide vocabulary of words and I feel a strong desire to walk closer to you, keeping up with your step as you deliver a well rehearsed technically accurate icebreaker speech rivalling anything I’ve experienced at Toastmasters. I am your willing and private audience. I fall in love with your vocal chords.
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