Ron had an identical one in his hand.We followed the familiar routine - we had both transformed back into our male selves and changed into robes, so we wouldn't find ourselves switched into girls wearing men's clothes."Well let's give it a go," I said, and we both slipped on the rings.As always the first time we put on a new ring, we were both overcome with dizziness and briefly lost consciousness.When I came to moments later, I could feel that I had transformed into a woman's body. I could feel long silky hair against the side of my face and my shoulders, the robe seemed much larger, and I could feel the weight of an ample pair of breasts.But there was one difference I noticed the second I looked down at my bare arms and legs sticking out from the robe.My skin was a beautiful deep caramel color. Hmmm, I wondered.I got up and looked over at Ron. That explained it, I thought with wonder.Of course, I shouldn't have been surprised given the diversity of the female forms these rings. And that happened to me just the previousweek, as I write this. Suddenly, I realized that in a couple of shortmonths, I will find myself lying on a table with a tube in my arm, andI'll fall asleep, and when I wake up... well, things will be verydifferent. And, as is drilled home repeatedly during the approvalprocess, this is completely a one-way street. Once the operation has beencompleted, there is no going back, ever. On the other hand, if I were toback out, if I were to call and cancel, I would never, NEVER, get thisopportunity again. They wouldn't even look at me. They'd say, "Sorry, wedon't waste our time on people who aren't completely sure. We alreadyhave enough patients on our waiting list who are sure. So... take a hike."All true. Nonetheless, I realized that this is perhaps the most majorall-or-nothing decision I've ever made in my life, and suddenly, I foundmyself questioning literally every decision I've made about my genderjourney. Even to the point of questioning.
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