She looked expectantly at Tiff, who just nodded quietly.The waitress came over at that moment and stood expectantly with a little notepad. “Let me guess, girls. Tea and two scones each?” Charlie and Tiff smiled and nodded contently. The waitress looked over at me. “You’re a boy!” she squeaked, flummoxed. “We can still do the breakfast menu if you want a fry-up?”As we tucked into our meal – the two of them watching me in horror devouring my cooked English breakfast as they gently plucked at their scones – the girls elaborated on their friendship. They had been best friends since, as they’d said, Girl Guides when they were little. I must have been blind; I had certainly noticed Charlie all around high-school, hanging out with all the cool kids, but I’d never noticed Tiff near her. But then, nobody ever noticed Tiff. Tiff was a very shy, and private girl.The girls quizzed me about my friends and hobbies. As I listed my friends – all boys, all into computer gaming – and my hobbies –. Two of them at once. As soon as you spotthem, dreading what they might do to you, you turn on your heel,thinking you could still outrun them and quickly disconnect, when youbump into something. A third somebody. A third bitch, grinningvictoriously. It relieves you that, this time around, you're not frozen in place,but that's practically useless when you're tackled to the floor by somesuperhuman slut. Once she has you prone on your back, she sits on yourchest, roughly on your centre of gravity. No matter how hard you try tobuck, she's not falling off. Her right hand reaches up into her massivecleavage, contained by nothing else but a short, skimpy, pink dress andpulls out a tube of glossy lipstick. What colour could it be, if notpink? Forcefully grabbing your chin to keep you from evading her beautytreatment, she presses on your cheeks to push your lips forward into apout for her to generously apply the lipstick on. Generously. At theend of it, you can hardly believe such a small tube.
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