.a valid United States federal, state or localgovernment issued identification.Greetings from sunny Mexico!To those who thought I was dead, kidnapped or lying in a hospitalsomewhere with amnesia, the good news is that I am very much alive. Thebad news is that I have been deported to Mexico, or ICE'd as my fellowdeportees put it. How did this happen to an American citizen on abusiness trip to Phoenix? Read on.There is something about me that you should know: I have a little hobby. Well, more like a little fetish. Okay, call it an alternative lifestyle: I dig dressing up like a woman and going out dressed in women'sclothes...are you that surprised? Didn't you begin to wonder when Istarted shaving my chest, legs, etc? Sure, I told you it was forswimming, or was it cycling? I've been living a lie for so long that Ican't remember what I've said sometimes, not that it matters anymore. Itlooks like I'll be living down here as a senoritafor the foreseeable future.But I digress. The. ’ When I finally made it back to the apartment, I found the message light on my new answering machine blinking. I punched the button and heard, ‘Ron, this is Norma. Am I ever going to get that piece on the Benson Festival. I needed it yesterday. By the way, are you available to cover a Dog show for me this weekend.’ ‘Damn,’ I thought. ‘Thousand word articles for magazines were a hell of a way for a serious writer to make a living.’ I was a serious writer, even if my two novels had been rejected by about every publisher in the western world. Meanwhile, I did pretty well writing humor pieces for magazines like the Southerner. They didn’t pay all that well, but I cranked out pieces for a lot more than just the one magazine. Novels on the other hand took months to write. They so far had been a total waste of my time. I wrote the occasional mystery short story for true detective and the like. They paid better, but still barely enough to make them worthwhile. I sat down with my new fangled.
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