And furthermore, I recognise that the judgement that others will make about the attractiveness and weight of my partners, is the very thing that I’ve been trying to ignore and suppress. Hence I’ve run away from that and never wanted to introduce my partners to others or fully commit to them because deep down it will result in me having to confront the realisation that I just don’t find them sexually attractive. I might love them as a person and find them great to be with but I don’t lust after them as an object.Naturally porn and the internet help me to suppress those feelings. Finding comfort or rather relief in the form of sexy videos and stories satisfies that angle of my desire but am I ultimately putting off or hiding what I know to be true? Should I really pass up on the benefits and support of fulfilling companionship because one small element such as physical lust isn’t there?Is the pursuit of something that can be temporarily satisfied with a 30 minute search on the net worth. She kissed me on the cheek and gave me a quick bite on the ear, whch got my attention. Then she carried on with introductions and disappeared from view for a while. That was pretty much the way things went that night. She would come around, bend over to show me her ass in a bikini that was just a shade too small, then be gone again. She’d do a flirty body shot, then disappear. She’d come over, make small talk, rub her ass on my crotch and then, nothing. Finally having enough of being teased, I decided it was time to take my leave. It was dark and cooling off a bit, so the party had moved inside. Everyone was getting drunker by the minute, and I was irritated with Hayley playing these little games. Not to mention I was upset with myself for being turned on by a girl that I usually found so annoying. So I made my rounds to tell my friends I was leaving, thanked the (irritating) host for having me, and gathered my things to leave. It was at this time Hayley decided to talk me out of.
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