”“Well, since you’re offering, how about one of your special back-rub’s after my bath tonight? They always make me feel good.”“That’s a deal Pam. By the way, where are Sean and Robert?” Our brothers had not come home from school and I was curious.“Oh, I forgot to tell you. They’ve gone fishing with Colleen and Wayne.” Colleen was married to Wayne and they often included the boys on their frequent fishing and camping trips. Neither Pam nor I enjoyed either activity and weren’t invited to any of them.“Groovy! That means we have the run of the place. I like it.”“We can have some peace and quiet for a change.” She shifted and lay on her side, still facing me, giving me an even better eyeful of her new and very much improved femininity.“You’re looking good, Sis. They boys at college must be driving you nuts.”“Not really. I’m not into them at all. The rumour is that I’m a lesbian and I haven’t bothered denying it.”“A lesbian? What makes them think that?”“You know that Joanne and I are just. ‘I’ll keep my bullet just the same,’ I said, and set my jaw as hard as I could. I must have looked fiercer than I felt, because he left it at that. ‘Fine. Keep it if it makes you feel better, baby.’ It did make me feel better. As much better as anything could make me feel. Evan looked back at Daddy, then after Silas, then the other direction, toward our own shack. He did this several times, as if making some great decision. ‘I need to get mama. You stay here.’ And with that, he walked off, toward our house, clenching his bullet, his not quite little boy shoulders squared against the weight of the world. Once he was out of earshot, I sat in the river loam by Daddy and sobbed myself ugly. I cried until the phlegm in my throat got so thick that I choked on it. And then I threw up until my ribs hurt before curling up on my daddy’s back and hugging him longer and harder than I ever had. In life, he had never been very fond of hugs. In death, he offered no complaints. The back of his shirt.
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