After three weeks of intensive searching, the hunt was finally called off, the assumption being that the inexperienced couple had probably fallen prey to some of the larger jungle animals.Renee was frantic to return to the U.S. with her prize, but she also knew they must keep up the pretense of concern for their friends and so the twenty-one days crawled by while Martin continued to be racked with guilt and remorse.At last, however, they were notified the government was convinced the missing couple could not have survived and so they were winging their way out of Africa by the next morning. Renee knew they would have to repeat their story for the American authorities as well and maintain an air of sorrow for an acceptable time, but she had what she wanted and nothing would deter her now. Christine never entered her mind again.Martin, however, looked out the airliner window as the African coastline disappeared and thought of little else. He knew he would never be able to forgive. Momtaught me to put it in what she called a "man bun." I don't know howmasculine that was, but it was tolerated. Otherwise, I was all boy.But with mom I kept dressing like a girl most of the time.My appearance at school was not according to my inner desires. I wantedto be more feminine but was stuck in my fear of being made a fool of.Mother, my trusted and experienced guide, used to push me in the girlydirection. But when it came to school, she was a lot more careful. Onething was to dress for Grandma. School was something else. I wascertainly not the type to just turn up in school as a girl. I admireall the brave people, but I am not among them. So, I was slowlyexperimenting with my appearance and how I could handle my own fear.One of the small steps would be my nails. Mom had told me how I couldkeep my nails neat without using nail varnish. She introduced med to asix-step nail file where I started at step one and progressed to stepsix. After the procedure, my nails were.
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