’ ‘If it’s true you are satisfied with this final draft, I’ll call her this afternoon. I need a break.’ He smiled and wrote down a name and number. Lisbeth Lindeman. 408-533-xxxx. I turned in the final version of the paper and decided a run and some salad at my apartment would be good. I did my usual 6 mile Alpine Road loop in a not very good 50 minutes but chalked it up to finals. I sat on my small apartment deck and called mom. ‘Hi. Just wanted to say hello. How are you?’ ‘Brian, it is always good to hear your voice. When are you going to visit?’ ‘ Soon. There are some things to attend to first. Would that be ok?’ ‘Yes. Of course. I am so glad to hear it. You are as brilliant as your dad was, and I know the kind of pressure you are going to be under. Have you started looking for a job?’ ‘Funny you mention that. Professor Harrington gave me a name this morning of someone who called him for a recommendation. Maybe by the time we see each other, I’ll have news.’ ‘Oh, I hope so. I have. I picked up my keys more times than I care to admit to during that long night and headed for the car, Tommy’s rent receipt clutched in a death hold. Had it turned over one time, but, chickened out. Did I want to stop them, or, did I want to break down door(s) and catch them, watch them if only for a second split into a thousand frames of sight until I was either thrown out by this man, or, arrested, hell, by this exact same cop and end up in the same damn hoosegow that I’d been headed to mere hours and a lifetime ago in the bitter end of this endless day?“Jack off!”I implored myself. I had to know, I had to hear, I had to see thru Girl’s words before I shot my seed upon my belly. Pulling it in anger, in regret, in resentment, in rank ignorance caused nary inclination. I never even came close.“No!” I spat into Girl’s bathroom mirror.Upon move-in: “Cully, you use the other bathroom, and this will be my bathroom. Agreed?”“Agreed, angel.”And standing there I began to realize, to specter.
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