I was laying on the bathroom floor, exactly howI had been between bouts of throwing up when I had the stomach flu. Iactually wished for the stomach flu compared to this.I was crying uncontrollably. I had rarely been in a position where Icould not control my emotions to this degree. Certainly, I had beenwronged on the hockey rink before, but I could channel my emotions intoa devastating body check. I can only remember twice before when I waslike this, when my grandmother died and when I thought I was going tolose Am?lie to the other side of the love triangle that had developed.I banged my fists against the wall in rage, and then seconds later I wasback on the floor bawling my eyes out. I was glad Am?lie was not therebecause it would have been extremely unattractive, not to mentiondisturbing, to see her husband crying hysterically. I knew what thiswas, but I denied it happening because it only confirmed what everyonewho looked at me knew- I was a girl, and a fully-functioning one. Yet at the same time, her presence providedanother mirror in which to measure himself and in this instance it feltgood to find himself wiser.Understandable when you looked at it from her viewpoint. While he couldnot say Ilina only experienced kindness during her life, few could saythat, he did not doubt Ilina liked herself right now. A life whereyouth and beauty held a power way beyond vanity for her and hersisters. To give it up would seem almost anathema to her.Yet Ken knew how life could grow pale. His own unchanging past,present, and future formed the foundation upon which he made this riskychoice, just as with his predecessors who made riskier and riskierchoices until they need not worry about it anymore. Though each waitedlonger than he before first stepping on the path to their own doom. Tohim, it made sense that everything could grow tiresome, even the goodlife. How could losses of friends and loved ones not grow heavier themore lives one lived? Why would the scene from.
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