.. I can't think I'll ever love you any less..." I think I can trust you ... but you need to think about this, because it would be easy to make things worse. You think she's attractive, don't you?" Oh, yes. Of course."She left it there, and snuggled some more.Four hours, and several cups of coffee later, we were only twelve miles off Brixham. Serendipity required constant attention as the wind shifted, but we'd been able to get some south in our course. Portland Bill has a certain reputation, and I was happy to be gaining some sea-room. I was beginning to have regrets about putting to sea though.In the afternoon, as the wind dropped further, I headed for bed with a Melatonin ... and my wife to help things along. I wondered what Evania... Eva ... thought about the sounds from our cabin, not that Grace was ever noisy, but the cabin was far too stuffy in the late June sun to close the hatch or the skylight. I slept a solid four hours.If we'd gone inshore, we could have found a land. To suspect that you are giving yourself up to monstrosity is one thing, but to know it and to be told it is another. Still feeling weak and shaky from my introduction to Grigorii a few minutes earlier, my mental state remains fragile. Even while I become more and more convinced that I will endure and survive these things he does to me, I also become more aware of what it will cost me. I have pledged to pay the price, whatever it is, yet I still shed tears for those parts of my humanity, my soul and my body which I am about to give away.Most painful is that I am not even surrendering these things to the villain out there, whom I have pledged to help ensnare and bring to justice. No, that will only come later. Instead, first I must surrender so much of myself to a man who is, nominally, my ally. This is what tortures me. He will have no comeuppance for the things he does to me. At best, they will only indirectly bring me closer to my goal. At worst, by his own admission, I will give.
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