Outside the bars there are lots of singles events. The same thing but less intense. How did Ruth find out she was interested in me? I can't ask her that. Before I didn't care how. Now it's blocked off. Everybody has their blinders on in this world. They set up the limits and play the games inside them. I don't enjoy playing from this end. The gay world seemed so much looser once you were inside it. But it was a smaller world too. This can't be all there is. I think about a personals ad. I laugh. I don't know how to describe myself. I go to a video dating service. I find the questionnaire almost impossible to fill out. I cheat. I give myself a phony background. I listen to tapes recorded by men. I wonder how much they're cheating. I have no idea how such a thing could possibly work. I begin to get positive attention from men in public places. When I looked like a dyke I got flak but no admiration. Now men look at me and smile as well as leer. I am an attractive woman now. I try to. It had taken some amounts ofpractice for sure, but even though the makeup routine added an extra 30min to my morning, it was so worth it. The foundation applied lightly, atouch of eye shadow to enhance my eyes, some eyeliner and mascara toopen my eyes, a hint of pencil liner to push my eyebrows to perfection,and a touch of long-lasting lip gloss and I was ready. I looked at themirror and I saw a gorgeous girl in her early 30s, mid-length black hairwhich had been carefully brushed with the help of an air dryer, perfectmakeup, and a beautiful set of C cup breasts held in check by a whiteseamless bra and matching white panties, with pink bows at the hips. Iwalked in the room and got into a cute red sheath dress that ended mid-thigh, put on a pair of black sandals with 3-inch heels and an anklestrap, clipped on two pearl studs to go along with my beaded necklaceand I was ready to go. Jill called my name from downstairs as I checkedmyself one more time in the mirror and I couldn't believe.
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