”“And I hope you do that many times in the future,” quipped her father. “I was surprised, a little while ago, when you put your mouth on it.”It was a gentle reminder that she had put her mouth on it, and might want to do that again.Maybe it was because the situation had become somewhat academic, allowing her passion to cool. Maybe Julie was simply tired of wrestling with her emotions, including the jealousy she was ashamed to feel for her own little sister. Maybe Bob’s harebrained scheme to get his daughters to think about things, instead of just reacting to them, was actually working. For whatever reason, Julie Carpenter got tired of trying to force the world around her, and herself within that world, to conform to some arbitrary “norm.” She felt a clarity of thought that was a little shocking, and recognized some of her own actions as being counter-productive.“I was jealous of Barb,” she said.“What?” came three voices.Julie glanced at Barbie, who was staring at her, but whose hand. “Jason, that’s what we were looking for. But it’s not what we found. It’s not what I found,” and then I paused before saying something that was incredibly difficult for me to say as a married woman who loved her husband.“Jason, you’re right when you say that you can see that I feel the same way. That we have a connection. And the truth is, I love what’s happened. But it also frightens me to death, Jason. Because you and I both know that if we carry on seeing each other, then this thing could grow and grow, until it hurts someone.”Jason and I both knew what I meant. I didn’t want to spell it out, it would have been too painful. But both Jason and I knew who I meant. That this connection between us could grow to a point where it would hurt my wonderful husband.***************I’m sorry if I’ve rambled a bit, but I think it’s important to understand all of this. It’s important because this was how I was feeling on the Thursday night when Jason and I held each other in his bed.
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