The last few weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions I was barelyprepared to process now, let alone in those moments then. My mindfluctuated so hard every day between loving my new clothes and wanting tokeep going and accept my feminized persona and be Lily with Erin all thetime, and hating what I had become, wanting it only to be over andregretting that I ever had to be chosen in the first place. I loved mynew clothes and I loved Erin, but I was ashamed to love them like I didand I was afraid of what others really thought of me. I remembereddressing up for our date in one of my favorite outfits of the wholeexperience. She said I didn't have to, but in that moment I wanted to, alot. I remembered my pure emotional breakdown that came in the lockerroom, but also the way she pulled the first tube of lipstick across mylips and I couldn't get enough of that feeling, or her. Erin was like anaddiction. It didn't matter whether I had wanted to stop or not, becauseI couldn't. But when I had. I’m afraid and need you but then I’m not afraid and I want you. Get it?”“You mean like yesterday in the kitchen?”“Yea.”He sat on the swing beside her and put both arms around her. “I certainly understand that second feeling,” he said before kissing her. When the kiss ended, he held her close. “In all the cases I have worked on for Tommy and others like him, never have I let myself get involved. Do you know what I’m telling you?”“That this is a mistake?”He used his thumb to push some hair away from her face, “Never.”“I don’t get involved because I don’t want to lose my edge, and because I have never wanted to get involved before.”“Before?”“Annie, this is not just a job to me I need to get things taken care of between you and Ron so I can see if there is a you and me.”Annie just sat looking at him. She had wondered that same thing many times now but had no idea that Spencer had even momentarily considered it. But before she could say anything, she noticed Sloan was coming through the.
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