I wept as I threw a solitary rose on his coffin, watching the gentle winds of May scatter the petals into the void. As is often true in these cases, the first few weeks after my father’s death were bearable, since I was in a complete state of shock. Then, when reality set in, I found that I would spontaneously cry while driving or when a flower bloomed in my garden I knew he loved. Particularly irksome was the fact I couldn’t share with him some exciting things happening in my life. I had been nominated for Who’s Who in Education and had received a substantial raise at work. There were a couple of strange things to report. The day my father died, a large plaster angel statue in my garden fell over into the mud. I haven’t touched it since, feeling it might be bad luck. Even weirder was a patch of Portulaca which previously had reseeded every time for 10 years never came up…not a one. Did they miss my father? As the holidays approached, I dreaded even thinking about them. All that. "I know you didn'tchoose... what happened." He looked in my eyes. "But I only ever wantedto make you happy. I love you. And I won't lose you without a fight."I broke down then, just sat on the floor right there and bawled. And hegot up and walked over to me in those giant heels and he sat down andtook me in his arms, so gently...We made love. And like that, I could handle it. I can pretend it's adildo, I don't care. Under a skirt, I can touch it. To me it's just abig clitty. And he's gotten so much better since then. His walk, hisbody language, everything. I swear, with breast forms and the rightdress, he's scrumptious. It even takes some women a while to figure itout. And his tongue, I think he could do push-ups with it nowadays.Not all the time, of course. Not even most of the time. He's still mybest friend. He goes to work in men's trousers and a stiff shirt. We goto a wedding or a funeral, he wears a suit. For our kids, he's dad.Madeline only comes out to play at night, or on.
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