“No.”Bingo.Session A93:“We have the kid. Eighteen years later, I go to you for advice.”Nod.I’d never skipped over so much time in a single hypothetical, but Mom seemed to accept it without issue.“I want to ask you how to talk to it about sex.”Nod. The use of “it” to refer to my 18-year old kid didn’t slow her down at all. Normally these hypotheticals require at least a little detail to be effective - maybe Mom had already spent time imagining me growing up, getting hitched, having kids.Now, of course, I had to be super careful not to wake Mom up. I didn’t even want to think about the damage that would be caused if she was suddenly transported 30 plus years back in time, her grandchild of indeterminate sex erased from her mind.“Would you tell me why you don’t like talking to your kids about sex?”“No.”God damn it, Mom.*Session A175:“You don’t want to talk to your kids about sex, do you?”“No.”A pink tinge appeared in my mother’s cheeks.“If you saw your kids having sex, you wouldn’t want. What gave you you the first clue? Was it watching her finger herself while she watches television? Was it seeing her rub herself off against the doorknobs? Maybe it was when she tried to tickle her tonsils with those popsickles last week?"Little Debbie's mother didn't bother to dignify such crude comments with an answer. Besides, the real reasons for her concern were the various and sundry bathroom items left lying around with oily, female secretions coating their handles. Toothbrushes, hairbrushes and even a half eaten carrot, to name just a few. No question about it, Little Debbie was one horney little female. With her barely curved little body, she was also a child molester's wet dream come true. Debbie looked more like a nine year old than the teenager she actually was."So, what are going to do about the situation?" her mom asked Little Debbie's dad on this bright and sunny morning. Looking up from the morning newspaper, her husband responded with "Well, if you are as tired of.
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