I gather up my knees and rock and sob. I can’t move, I don’t want to move, I want everything to go away. Lydia is on the walk way with in minutes she sits down next to me with her arm over my shoulders. I move down until my head rest in her motherly lap, she just strokes my hair and rocks me, she doesn’t even waste the moment with words. We bond again that night, again with tears and with out word comprehendible to the naked ear. I feel her tears lightly hit the side of my face and mix with my own. We mix, our souls, our tears, our love, it all mixes. ‘I really was going to jump.’ I mumble staring off into nothingness. ‘Shh…. I know but its over now. You are a fighter, but you don’t have to fight alone.’ ‘Its my fault you know, its all my fault, everything.’ I start to sob a new. Lydia gently pulls my hair back away from my face and ear. ‘Don’t you ever say that!’ Her voice is felled with passion. ‘Its not your fault! No matter what anyone says, no matter what you think, its not your. I looked up into his eyes and wondered if he was getting turned on by our scuffling. Even though we are cousins, I am a girl so he might react that way. As I watched him I knew I should shy away but I was kind of enjoying the burgeoning intimacy.Nate moved my arms to my sides then put his knees next to them so they were immobile, I could only move my fingers. With his hands free he bent down and put his face close to mine, “I’m going to take something of yours off now.” Having warned me he pinched the top button of my blouse and popped it open. I lifted my head until my chin was mashed on my chest and watched uneasily as he fingered open the second button.I had five buttons on my blouse and he had just opened two, enough that my bra was half exposed. I dropped my head back and told him to stop, we were done playing. He looked down on me, opened the third button and replied, “Who’s playing? I told you I was going to take something off you.”Two feelings washed through me at the same.
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