.I know. Why don't we go out and get one of those books ofnames? We can also get your ears pierced and some jewelry?" Do I have to go outside? I mean...look at me!" But you look just fine! Besides, you'll have to get used to the ideathat from now you'll be wearing clothes just like these! There's nothingwrong with being a girl, after all, I'm a girl!" But I'm a boy!" That's true, you are a boy, but you changed that by taking those pillshoney! It's not your fault I guess, but the facts are that you now havethe body of a girl your age, and you're only going to become more like agirl, not less, so you might as well get used to the idea that beforelong you'll be into makeup and clothes, just like all of the othergirls!" I won't! I won't be like the girls! I might have to wear the clothes,but I won't like it, and I'm not going to act like one mom! Girls playwith dolls and giggle a lot! I'm not like that mom!" That's fine. You don't have to be like them, but we both know you'llhave to dress. She wailed. "He's ... he's Dead!"I buried my head in her shoulder. Oh God.I pulled my head away. "What happened?" He went to the store to get some bread for dinner. On his way home, he was car jacked." She steeled herself. "They shot him in the head. They took his truck and left him laying in the street."TreFual, in uniform, stood by my bedroom door. "Now do you understand? We are serious. If you want to keep your mother alive, you need to get with the program."I nodded and turned my attention to Mom.I sat in my bedroom a half drunk glass of scotch in my hand and stared at the floor. My mom and I had cried until there were not any tears left. She had fallen asleep in my arms. I tried to carry her to her bed, but she started to panic so I let her sleep. Tears ran down my face as I watched her. I'd killed him and I couldn't even tell her I was sorry or they would kill her too.I went into my parents room and opened their closet door. I reached in and pulled down the .357. Its silver.
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