If you don't, we'll laugh about it as I take you to the local burger joint. But I expect us to enjoy ourselves and I'll appreciate getting to know you all over again—away from everything that reminds us of our previous lives and obligations. The whole idea was to get you away from your previous expectations and surroundings. I want to meet a new girl tonight. I'm not interested in my little sister, I'm interested in this beautiful woman sitting beside me who's won my heart," I said as I leaned over and kissed her. She returned it enthusiastically, but I had to break it off soon."Let's get that corsage on you," I offered. "I hear it's supposed to set off your eyes, and I'm anxious to stare into those beautiful peepers during dinner." With that I opened the door and got out. When she started to open her own I stopped her, telling her "tut, tut, tut". I then proceeded to circle around and made a production of opening her door, bowing as I did. She graciously exited, looking like a regal. .. what? Read? And write letters to Africa?”Without thinking, I just blurted out the truth. “I masturbate all day every day, actually.” I regretted it before the sentence was even finished, but I couldn’t stop it.His jaw dropped once again. His eyes widened. After a moment of soul-crushingly awkward silence, he spoke again.“Wow. You really are socially ... weird.”I was too embarrassed to reply. So he tried his best to smooth the tension over.“I mean. Not weird. Just brutally honest. Not everybody would admit that so freely.”“Yeah. Apparently that’s a bad thing. Sorry. Please don’t tell anybody I said that. Like ... ever.”“I won’t. Honestly, I don’t think anybody would believe me.”“Thanks,” I mumbled, staring down at the floor.“Hakuna matata,” he replied. I looked up at him and smiled. He went on, “So all day every day, huh? That’s even more than me.”“You do that, too?” I asked. This question made him laugh out loud.“You really don’t know very many teenage boys, do you?”I shook my.
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