I, on the other hand, married the perfect woman. A woman whose beauty is second to none, a woman whose smile lights up a room, a woman whose eyes melt me on the spot, a woman whose sex drive pushes me to the point of exhaustion, a woman who is so incredible and yet so unpredictable, I never know when, where or how she will please me. Case in point, last Christmas. THE FIRST DAY OF SEXMAS…Wednesday December 14 th , 2011 I woke up 12 days before Christmas with my wife, a third grade teacher, already in the shower. I rolled over and there was an envelope on the bed. The envelope said DAY ONE. Curious, I opened the envelope and there was a note inside. Dear Jeremy, If you dare, get ready for the 12 Days of Sexmas. Each day will be a whirlwind of sexual pleasure. You will never know when, you will never know how, and you will never know where you will come. But I promise you…you will come. If you dare, check yes in the box below and leave the envelope on my dresser. Be warned, I plan. .. there." Goodness!" Marlene said.Funny, that's what Tess had said, too.Tess was looking at me gratefully, as if I had taken the weight of the world off her shoulders.Actually, we'd only just begun."Does your father know about this?" Marlene asked.Tess finally spoke. "No. But Roy, Junior does." He has the magazine?" No. Nobody we know has the magazine, yet. But he saw them on the Internet." Your brother is looking at naked pictures of you on the computer?"So, what else is new?I thought it. I didn't say it."Mom..." (Me, again) "Mom, we heard about it, first, from Charlene. She..." Charlene!" Marlene almost screamed the name.Somehow, Charlene's involvement in this, however peripheral, seemed to shock poor Marlene more than anything else.Her daughter had been photographed, nude, on some foreign beach by some foreign photographer for some foreign magazine: Bad.The whole thing is on the Internet -- again: Bad.Roy, Junior, had seen naked pictures of his sister: Very bad.Charlene Westfeld.
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