The leather felt cool against my bare skin."Pull yourknees up under your stomach." Resting on my headand shoulders and without the use of my arms, I had to struggle to bend my legsand pull them forward, so I was kneeling with my butt sticking up. I closed myeyes expecting that the tempting targeting would draw some type of attention. "This is not apunishment. Once your pony tail plug is inserted, you can not go to thebathroom," explained Helga. "Your ponytail is the symbol of your service to the Mistress and it is only removed onceeach day when you are groomed," added Greta. Jesus! They aregoing to stick something up my ass that I have to wear all the time. This wasgetting worse and worse. Okay, well they asked for it, I comforted myself. Thefirst chance I get, I'm making a break and I don't care if I have to hurt acouple of these bitches to do it. They have no right to force me to do this andwhatever happens, it's their fault. Pretty brave thinking for a guy who waslying on a table. You're my brother. I love mum and dad. I love grandma. I love my family. But that's family. We are there through thick and thin. I am afraid that some massive earthquake could erupt through our family and ruin everything. How can I look at our parents or grandma, if they find out about my actions this week? I couldn't. I'd rather die. And that's just it, they are my actions. My behaviour. Not yours. I encouraged you. I could have stopped you sunday night. I thought I'd sorted it monday afternoon. Then I went and sucked...... well you know. Then last night, again it was all my doing. Everyone was where they should be, but I went and screwed it all up. If you must know, Paul and I are not making love much at the moment. He's under pressure at work, and there's a bloke a work that I really fancy. Nothing at all has happened between us. He doesn't even look at me, but I can't stop thinking about him. It made me think about Paul and my marriage, and though I love him I don't think I fancy.
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