Melanie had hit the nail on the head. Everything I did to try to avoid hurting someone had the potential for doing exactly the thing I was trying to avoid. How could I resolve this? Was life destined to be like this? Hurting people you love even if you didn’t mean to and perhaps even if you did nothing wrong?Now I understood the guys who treated girls like toys to be played with. They simply turned off their emotions or buried them. I was one of the few guys I knew who cried. I’d even cry in public and frankly, I didn’t care. I didn’t think it was ‘weak’ like some of them did. I got teased for it from the time I was little. I managed to get it more or less under control, but that was only on the surface.Melanie let me sit and think. She was sitting very close, her hand on my leg. It wasn’t sexual at all. It was comforting. She waited. I guess she knew I had to work it out for myself. But I wasn’t sure I could. I thought about all of the girls I was involved with in one way or. I turned out all the lights, save one small light on the chest. I closed the doors down the hallway so her children…your children…would not wake up and find their mother unable to function. I could not prevent what happened to her, but I could still protect them. Then I crawled under the blankets with her, though she protested. She didn’t have much fight left in her. I had to do it because I had to bring her out of the shock she had descended into. I simply held her as tightly as she would let me. Her tears soaked my shirt. Her hands trembled. Slowly her body began to warm, but it took hours. When she finally did collapse into sleep from sheer exhaustion, she had nightmares that I cannot begin to describe to you. Nightmares of fires, of floods, of pain unimaginable. She woke up crying out for the man who had caused it all. She woke up fighting me. She woke up in the midst of a nightmare that you just don’t wake up from. I finally found the Valium in her medicine cabinet and forced.
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