My little adventures seemed so pathetic in comparison.“Did you love her?” I asked him.“Oh god yes.” He sighed, “I was nuts for her, and I think she liked me too, but I couldn’t be with her. I wanted to clear her and if we had a relationship my findings would be trashed.”“So to save her, you had to reject her?” I asked.“Yes.” He said, and I could see he was still hurting.“Wow, so much pain after all these years. She must have been one hell of a woman.” I said, putting a hand on his shoulder.The air was crackling between us; I suddenly realized we’d been flirting. Sharing our most intimate thoughts, alone together in this private space, eating and drinking, talking, working.Oh fuck no, I thought; not again. Not another old guy I was working for... His face came closer. I was frozen, stock still. Closer, so I could see each large pore of his smoothly shaven seventy year old face. His arm was around me, his hand on my shoulder, I should have been revolted. I wondered why I wasn’t? Was I. ‘What do you need?’ ‘Nothing. You forgot to stop the movie and I didn’t know how to do it myself.’ Or dare to, – there was that chance of meltdown. ‘Oh that’s okay. I’ve seen it before.’ ‘Well, so have I. And that’s no reason why you should have to miss half of it because you’re waiting on me.’ ‘I don’t mind.’ She smiled at me and I frowned back. ‘I know you don’t,’ I finally said. ‘Why is that?’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘I mean, why do you think that you have to always play second-string? When is it your turn to come first?’ ‘Oh Charlie, don’t start!’ She shook her head and turned back to load the popcorn popper, then she opened the refrigerator door and grabbed something inside. I was right, real butter. ‘I’m not starting anything.’ ‘Yes, you are. And I know where you’re heading too,’ she turned back to me. ‘But you know, just because I bought a few clothes and cut my hair, doesn’t mean I’ve changed. Not me, inside.’ She pointed to her chest and my eyes followed her hand to those.
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