----He tried to forget, again and again. He sought out therapists and talked it out with them for years; he meditated; he read self-help books--"Letting Go," "Surviving the Loss of a Love," "Moving On"--but her ghost walked with him still. When he looked for pictures of naked women in magazines or on the Internet, he always found himself keeping or downloading the ones that looked like or reminded him of Carol in some way. Sometimes he was even conscious of it; but better to masturbate to pictures of models who resembled her than to the things that he had actually seen and done with her. That road led to madness and death, he knew. He had been too far down it too many times not to. He limped through his life like a man with one leg gone. The smallest things were so much effort; it was hard to care about anything. What was the point? It was a struggle to care enough to brush his teeth. He once described losing Carol, to one of his therapists, as being very much like losing an arm or. I moved from one to the other, over and over again, sucking and biting softly, over and over. Your breathing was quite heavy and your encouragement to me getting louder until you grabbed me by the hair and drug my face close to yours. “Take my panties off of me, baby. NOW!” you ordered. While you wanted it done quickly, I was determined to take it slowly and enjoy every second it took. And if it made you a little wilder or a little more anxious, that wouldn’t be all bad. I pushed you back against the ATV kissed you, letting my hands slide down your side, over the waistband of your skirt, over your hips and down to the hem of your skirt. Still kissing you I slipped both of my hands under your skirt and onto your bare legs. I had my thumbs resting on the inside of your legs and fingers along the outside … and as I kissed you I moved them upward, slowly an inch at a time. Your arms were around my neck and your kisses were frantic. As my hands moved slowly upward you began to move your.
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