"How do you feel today miss?"I try to sit up in the bed but can't seem to get enough energy to rise. The MAA leans forward and presses a button on the side of the bed causing the back to lift up and place me in a more sitting position. I nod my thanks and say in a cracking and sore voice, "Better than last night." I pause for a second to get some air back into my lungs, "I'm sorry about that, I think the doctor was yelling at you because of me." There is nothing to apologize for; you had a shock last night." His voice was calm and steady as always."But it was my fault, I feel bad for you having to endure that because of me." I started reaching for a glass of water.The MAA handed it to me and let me hold it while he poured water into it. He placed the straw in the glass and said, "I do not feel things, I am just a machine. You subjected me to nothing of consequence to my working parameters." I felt a little foolish, he is right, he is just a machine, he has no emotions."So," I. I just tied my anorak around my waist, to prevent anyone from seeing my tracksuit trousers slowly getting blood stained, and left.Fortunately it was already dark, a chilly winter evening, so there was hardly anyone in the street to see my tears and my laughable walking. I suppose I stopped bleeding somewhere halfway home. When I arrived I quickly said hi from the hall to my Mom, who was cooking dinner in the kitchen while my little brother was busy playing with his console. So I was able to lock myself in the bathroom as swiftly as I wanted to.I got undressed and into the bathtub once more, to frenziedly scrub myself from crown to toes with very hot water because I felt so dirty –except my bottom parts which I could barely touch. I would soon learn that’s what you feel when you’ve been raped, but back then I was just a silly brat and I still didn’t know it. Next I lied on the bathtub and spread my legs to study the disaster with the help of a small mirror. Both my lower buttocks were.
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